February 13, 2009

The Great American Blog Post

Today is Friday the 13th and it makes for shitty movie remakes and ghoulish possibilities and a whole host of other sketchy shit. Nobody, fucking nobody, can hear you scream in space. Nobody.

More to the point of things in this Great American Blog Post, it seems that yesterday was Abraham Lincoln's 200th birthday. It would be really jacked if dude showed up as a zombie because his face was essentially shot off when John Wilkes Booth got him; he was shot in the back of the head and the exit wound took place on his cheek. JWB, posthumously banned from the Plat. Anyways, like three people actually care to read up on Lincoln but I did, so here are some links for you fuckin' nerds out there...How Lincoln would vote today via Salon, and Lincoln on the laws of war, via Slate. Also, I learned today that West Virginia exists because it broke off of Virginia because Virginia seceded from the Union. I've got proof!

Anyways, after that ejaculation of history and excitement about really being a nerd, here's the meat and potatoes of the post: Brian Wenning.

As much as the American Dream is all about the rags to riches story, i.e. my boy Abe mentioned above, there is an equal fascination in America with the fall from grace. Cue chaboy Gatsby at any time. The rise and the fall are both so fucking American it hurts...cue Britney Spears, chick's got both on lock. Think of that mark Chris Brown, who just got banned from Plat for raising a hand against the imminently hot and amazing Rihanna. We get the picture. Anyways, Wenning. Please view: Barely short of Kalis and Dill, Wenning had the best part in Photosynthesis, but beyond that, he'd single handedly hearkened in the era of the backside nosegrind pop-out, still legit today. But that was pretty much it...

My boy Boiler put it pretty well at some point that Wenning's intro to his DC part was all too telling...: Yeah, that part is still hecka sick, and he's on point, but there is no doubt about it, and I felt the same way when I first watched the video part above: Something is missing.

And then fast forward to right now: Yeah. First of dawg, you're no R. Kelly. Kellz has got Patron and cigars and shit, you got Marlboro Lights and plastic cups of Hennessy and Coke. Just chill. No need to mention the hand tats. The crux of this thing comes down to the question of three ads a year. The video above is like watching a car crash.

And so there you have it, The Great American Blog Post. Abraham Lincoln and Brain Wenning; the American Dream and the Fall From Grace. Both oh so American. Call Gatsby, tell him I'm not coming over tonight.

Bonus: A couple of areas in Mind Field let me down, especially Kalis's song. Let's just settle the fact that custom songs for video parts are never as awesome as found songs. I just wish that Kalis had reprised Bumby Knucks...really, would you have been mad?

7 comments:

Carl said...

Even though you might need to change the title, with such an evolutionary (or I suppose, at some points a de-evolutionary) sort of pseudo-theme to this post, I'm surprised there's no mention of a one Charles Darwin who happened to share the same Feb. 12 birthday (1809 no-less... booya for that historic day!) This probably means that I was one of those three people who also read up on Lincoln...

Extreme Ash said...

wait, does that make you an internet gansta? is that what he said? or internet hater? hmmm.

COAS said...

wow wenning has lost it

Anonymous said...

What a fucking train wreck. I used to spend thousands... Whoops.

Anonymous said...

Is JWB, the only dead person to be striked on the plat?

platinumseagulls said...

Yeah, Booth is the only dead person banned. Nobody has ever died since being banned either, surprisingly.

Jonthan Richman said...

Dude, this post is so fucking rad, I am really sad I just read it now. That video is such a car crash. ahhhhh such Jersey trash!!!! And yes dude, Kalis may skate to the worst song ever. That line about ordering 2 #4s or whatever is killing it.