December 25, 2008

NBA Dudes and Our Dudes

Photo via Free Darko

I wrote this sitting in a hotel room drinking a big beer watching strong man competitions with no internet. Nerded out so hard! Call the b.s. as it is in the comments. Isn't that artwork sick even though it has nothing to do with anyone mentioned in the post?

Eric Koston=Lebron James

Why it works: It's simple, both are loved, can do whatever they want, whenever they want, have a long legacy with signature shoes, and both have been mind-boggling since early on. While Koston has always had a good team to back him up, Lebron recently does too; and both can handle many different roles, Koston has done 540s on vert, and Lebron will end up playing point forward when the game really matters.

Why it doesn't work: Lebron is only 23, Koston is about ten years his senior. Koston signing with Zoo York in 2010 has never come up, and Koston was SOTY, Lebron has never been MVP, at least yet.

Alternatives: Kobe Bryant; Koston is a Lakers fan and they share the honor of being the best dude in their respective fields for a year. Koston though, has never felt the level of distaste or controversy that Kobe has, thus ruling him out.

Marc Johnson=Steve Nash

Why it works: Both are extremely crafty, both are in their thirties, both have been named the essential MVP in recent years, and both seem to have a sardonic sense of humor. MJ is your go-to technician who can go big if necessary, Nash is the same; a cross-over to bounce pass while triple-teamed assist to dunk is essentially the same thing as a switch noseblunt slide to hop over a rivit to backside noseblunt slide to fakie. Both are weird.

Why it doesn't work: MJ is not Canadian, and he's bald, thus, no bad haircuts. Steve Nash plays for a team that is more boring now than it was a year or two ago; MJ is still on Chocolate and they have not gotten boring, at all. Shaq does not ride for Chocolate, yet.

Alternatives: Jason Williams; White Chocolate was equally crafty and made his name while playing for a so-so team. Alas, Williams toned down his game and became a more standard performer before winning a ring with the Heat while MJ has never toned down his game and is still excelling, MJ was SOTY.

Danny Way=Dwayne Wade

Why it works: They share initials, both play/ride for high-profile teams, DWay has been SOTY, DWayde has been Finals MVP. Both go for broke and have had their fair share of injuries, from broken necks to dislocated shoulders to knee problems to broken ankles. They get gnar.

Why it doesn't work: Way is much older than Wayde, Shaq was never on Plan B, though if Sal Barbier and Sean Sheffey combined maybe Shaq did ride for them. Wade is not a shoe in for the Hall of Fame, yet, Way is already there.

Alternatives: Alonzo Mourning; getting a new kidney and coming back is much akin to breaking one's neck and coming back, though Mourning hasn't been nearly as game changing or successful as Way has been.

Kerry Getz=Kevin Garnett

Why it works: Intensity, intensity, intensity. While Getz focuses boards, it's obvious that Garnett would love to focus a ball. Both came from relative obscurity, i.e. highschool and a yogurt factory. Both have only played/ridden for only two different teams. Both are consistent. On their respective teams they are surrounded by talent equal or greater than their's.

Why it doesn't work: Getz is not insane, KG has been MVP and is not friends with Bam.

Alternatives: Rasheed Wallace; both have a temper and both never seem to live up to their potential...both are part of extremely strong teams...it doesn't work because Getz doesn't have a white spot in his hair, I guess...

Sean Malto=Chris Paul

Why it works: Both are young men and the ceiling only seems to go higher after every passing year; They're beloved by their teammates and are both small for their position, but equally crafty. Three out of their four names are first names. Both are potentially at the top of their respective fields though it's going to take a year or two. Both can actually ball, and each are conservatively awesome while getting the job done.

Why it doesn't work: CP3 doesn't play for an elite team, Malto does. CP3 is not BFF with Mikey Taylor.

Alternatives: Brandon Roy; Malto was never traded away for someone not nearly as good as he is, but, that's about it, otherwise it works too.

1 comment:

ferdinand said...

This kind of reminds me of that chuck klosterman book where hes comparing 80s band with 80s tv shows. Well thought out