So I know, photos of people's feet, no matter how awesome their feet are (and mine kick ass) aren't what you're coming to Platinum for, but let me tell you a story.
Tuesday night, after a jovial and imbibeful night at The Triple Rock, somewhere that I'd self-banned myself from whilst in New York, I returned home after a blissful bike ride. I deposited my whip in the apartment, and decided to take a trip to flavor country outside. I'm not trying to post hard in front of a complex that I don't live in, so I headed over to some emergency door at Petco to get my post-up-on. About ten seconds after I sit down, some motherfucker had jumped into my shoe and bit or stung me through my sock. I whipped my shoe off and grabbed the offender and threw him/her into the night, but the damage was done. Shit hurt like a mahfuckah and things similar, though I was jovially indifferent about the whole thing, simply thinking it was hilarious, and headed to bed soon thereafter.
Nothing happened Wednesday. I woke up and it was a little sore and a little swollen, but, it was cool. And I went to bed again.
This morning I woke up, and upon standing, I found that I couldn't put weight on my now extremely bloated left foot for fear of it exploding and making Benji's apartment a very dirty and gross place. I managed to shower and then soak it in cold water for a spell, and that's how it looked after that, the first photo. Fast forward seven hours and add in wearing shoes and/or Birkenstocks (I'm just trying to live), and the irritated piece of meat in the second photo is what I ended up with.
I'd originally figured it was a bee sting, since I found a dead bee in the same shoes I was wearing on Tuesday, but I'm not so sure now. I thought at first that it felt like a two pronged attack, so maybe spider bite? I hope not. Right now shit is pretty weak. My car is in the shop but I can't walk or bike or skate or dance or any awesome shit. I did watch the awesome movie Death Proof while soaking my foot in ice cold epsom salted water, and I learned one thing: If you want an instant boner, watch this clip from Death Proof.
I'm out, booya.
3 comments:
http://outreach.missouri.edu/stcharles/Home%20Horticulture/insects/wolf_spider.jpg
I'm guessing this is the fucker that bit you. I had a bite from one a few years back that made my arm swell to popeye proportions. Not kewl, Dr. Jones.
Well, that didn't work out at all. It's supposed to be a picture of a wolf spider.
you should have someone kiss it to make it better
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